Child therapy

A few months back, a 13-year-old girl who was suffering with severe and recurring migraines visited me with her parents. The pain had begun to disrupt her daily life. She was missing school, had become sensitive to light, and even simple interactions felt overwhelming. What stood out was that these episodes intensified around exams.

At that stage, the focus was on the physical symptoms. But as I sat with her, it became clear that what I was witnessing was not only neurological, but her physical body was speaking. At that age, children often experience emotional shifts without having the language or safety to express them.

A fear of not being enough.

An anxiety about disappointing her parents.

Comparison with an elder sibling.

Friendships that felt too complex to speak about.

None of this had been expressed. Not because it did not exist, but because there was no space where it felt safe to.

Recently, I also read some data that over 3.3 lakh calls were made to the Manodarpan helpline with nearly 70% from children in Classes VI to VIII.

In my experience, exam stress is rarely about the exam alone. It begins to represent approval, belonging, comparison and, very subtly, a child’s sense of self. What is important to understand is that pressure is not always created through direct expectation. More often, it is absorbed in tone, in urgency and in well-meaning reminders carrying unspoken anxiety.

Children are deeply sensitive to emotional environments. They may not respond to what is said, but they are constantly responding to what is felt. Over time, an association begins to form that they are valued only when they perform well and less acceptable when they do not. When these experiences are not expressed, it shows in the body through headaches, fatigue and anxiety.

This is why the conversation around exams needs to expand.

Effort and discipline are important. But the emotional environment matters equally. Children do not need less expectation. They need more emotional safety within that expectation.

A few shifts can make a meaningful difference:

• Separating effort from identity

• Creating space for open conversation

• Not normalising stress as “part of growing up”

• Modelling calmness instead of urgency

When emotional safety increases, performance does not reduce. It stabilises. We should start to look not only at how children are performing, but also at what they are carrying within? Because long after exams are over, what remains is not just marks. It is how they feel. 

If this resonates, you may wish to explore:

Emotional safety in children: https://lnkd.in/gictAHk9

I was also recently watching a show on YouTube, A Perfect Family, where a young girl around the same age was navigating anxiety. It was a quiet and powerful reminder of how these inner experiences remain unseen and need to be talked about.